Musings

HEY I'M BACK

Right now, I'm overlistening to this Sam Smith song, thinking about a lot of things. 

It never ceases to amaze me that year after year, month to month, the seasons change. The sights we see everyday, they light up with the colors of fall, become shrouded in the mist and grey of winter, slowly come to life again in spring, and radiate almost painfully in the summer. And in the midst of all these changes, our lives happen. 

You can probably tell I haven't been here in a while. It seems almost premature to say I've changed while I've been away but it's simply inevitable. I've changed, just as the seasons have (seriously, this California girl cannot do 50 degree weather). There have been countless nights out drinking hot boba tea with people I can't believe I haven't met earlier in my life, random phone calls with close friends talking too much about dumb boys and impromptu drives to the absolute tops of mountains discovering what this beautiful part of the bay has to offer. 

This much is not obviously different from who I've always been. But perhaps the most crucial for me is that the person I'm becoming is absolutely unafraid. There have also been stressed last minute homework submissions and little things that don't fall just into place and big things that made me feel dejected these last few months. But the defining moments come from my ability to get back up again when I fall down. Something I think the old me had a lot of trouble with. 

I've encountered a lot of personalities these past weeks (almost a whole semester?) I've been away. And they've made me really reflect on my own. Some things I've learned about me:

1. I'm happiest when I'm happy. This is obvious and maybe dumb but I've realized I'm happiest when I'm happy in the moment. I've come to know so many people who are happy dreaming of what could be, but never in their own current frame and I know now I'm not made for that. 

2. The little things really make me me. I say "kewl" and I eat swiss cheese plain out of the fridge and I love to wear birkenstocks unironically and I'm so very glad about these things. 

3. My friends, all of my friends, mean the world to me. Including my parents (lol). Without them I wouldn't have a reason to try and be funny. And silly. And I definitely wouldn't laugh nearly as much. Which would be a crime. 

4. I'm not scared of waking up a different person. I may start to like plain cheddar out of the fridge and like the word "neat" tomorrow. I may even start to cook more or eat healthier or run a few miles daily. But I'll always be me. And I like me. 

So. After this time away to reflect and catch a breath and do a little digging, I've come up with some gold. I'm pretty happy with life right now. Aren't you?

Mountain top views. 

Kewl new friends. 

Best mom around. 

Unironic birkenstocks. 

Ps. Hope to be around more than usual with some more faux wisdom and real camera photography. Pss. How is it already November?? Sheesh.